Thoughts on Stewardship

During my time in college, I realized the need to be a good steward of the gifts that God has given me. An obvious one is my voice, and being a part of worship team my last two years was an absolute joy. It was clear that in that context I could use my voice to invite people to engage with Jesus. The focus was not on me but on God, and I was not alone. I was but one part of a whole worship team. I let my talent be available to the community.

So now what? I have a ton of paintings and I don't know what to do with them all. I'd love to keep painting because I like to do that, but I'm starting to think it would be really cool to give my joy of painting to a community. I got to paint something for the ambiance team last spring, and a friend told me that she stared at my painting all throughout Catalyst and that it spoke to her more than anything else that night. God has been trying to affirm my creativity and get it into my head that he can use it for His glory.

I've become comfortable with the idea of using my voice and sharing that, but letting God use a hobby like painting...that's uncharted territory. I really don't think I'm that great, or that I have any legitimate reason why I should paint for people and raise money for ______. (The current idea is that I would want to paint for people and donate the money they commission me with to BCF) What if someone commissions me to paint them something and they don't like it? Sad bears.

I'm still in my "this is just a random idea" phase. I think eventually it would be cool for it to become a reality. Yep. Risky stuff, but hey...if I remember correctly from senior seminar, playing it safe can be riskier than choosing into what feels risky. So I'm trying to take baby steps. Bring it on, Jesus.

The newest member of the club!

Title: Transition

Acrylic; 16 x 20 canvas

Say hello to my new painting :)

My mind is a turbulent place to be at the moment, and I can't handle it. lskdjf;alsdfjasofadsf. Why does PMS exist? Why, God...why?

Acoustic Heart & Soul

I realize this probably isn't news to anyone who considers himself or herself my friend, but wow, I love the acoustic guitar. I have been known to tell my better guitarist friends to record themselves just playing for hours so that I can listen to it all the time. And I always mean it. My heart finds rest when I listen to the beautiful composition of a melody line finger picked on an acoustic with the accompanying chords to go with it. It's like I expect a composition like that from a piano, but it just mystifies me that anyone could figure that out on a guitar. AND, it doesn't even necessarily have to be complicated. A simple finger picked guitar line accompanying a singer is really everything that anyone could ever need. I wish I could play the guitar better, haha.

I doubt that anyone I have asked to record themselves playing the guitar reads my blog, but holy moly. That would be one heck of a gift.

Nico Stai--Maybe Maybe (The song that inspired this epiphany. Find credit goes to Becca!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0z7vScs2ao

A look into the (very distant) future

I'm baking and cooking with my mom today. We're having family friends over for dinner and they have a 2 year old and a baby that is less than a year old. I'm so excited to hold a baby again :)

ANYWAYS, so I'm in the kitchen with my mom and we're delegating different cooking tasks to Rach and Jenna. At some point I asked Rachel to put together the noodle dish, and of course, she does it incorrectly. I guess it's my fault for not completely explaining it. Later, I asked Jenna to cut up the mushrooms, but she said "Ask Rachel." Both of them were trying to pass the task off to the other, and I had this image in my head of the future. Thanksgivings and Christmases will probably be at my house and I will probably be doing most of the cooking between our future families (unless one of their husbands loves to cook, I'm probably stuck with that job). I'll do the cooking, and they'll stay to wash the dishes. I'm totally cool with that! HEHEHE.

Yep. I like being in the kitchen. I'm excited to try new things and new recipes now that I'm not in a janky LA apartment! Paaaarrrttyyyyy!

Before I word-vomit about Guatemala...

Let me tell you exciting news! I pierced my nose today! I am super thrilled.

You may be asking yourself, "Why is she so excited about her nose piercing?" I am here to answer that very question.

I've wanted to pierce my nose for a really long time. I've thought about it for longer than 2 years, because back when I was dating, I mentioned it to B and he said that he thought it was an ugly piercing and basically told me not to do it. It made me sad cause I didn't think that it was too bad of an idea. Nevertheless, his opinion convinced me not to do it.

I thought about it every now and again these what, three years now. Every time I mentioned it to a close guy friend, the multiple guys would always seem to be very against me getting a nose piercing. Everyone else in the world was pretty supportive/indifferent. Those few guy friends + ex-boyfriend's opinions were enough to make me doubt myself. I thought a nose piercing would be very fitting for my personality. I thought it would look good with my skin complexion, and that it would add a fun little bit of sparkle to my face. But I shied away from piercing my nose because of those few very adamant opinions.

Getting my nose pierced is my tangible act telling the world that I'm learning how to liberate myself from being ruled by what people (males especially) think I should do with neutral decisions like this one. They are most certainly entitled to their opinions, but I have to respectfully disagree with them and do what I want. Since I respect their opinions, it's hard. I have to tell myself that they will be my friends regardless. I also have realized that if a guy were to not like me in the future because my nose is pierced, he doesn't deserve me. The end!

Off to LA for the next three days! Hooray!

Home

Hi. After spending 2.5 weeks in Minnesota and 3.5 weeks in Guatemala, I'm now back in California, blogging from my desk in my room in the Bay Area. It's a weird feeling to be back--I was definitely looking forward to being able to talk to friends and family again, but I have a lingering feeling of nostalgia and sadness for my time with my CTI and YFC family back in Guatemala. While I realized some things that God was pressing in my heart during my time in Guatemala, I am aware that there is still so much more that God wants to show me and teach me through my CTI experience. There's still a lot of tension and confusion with things I'm aware of and even things that I'm not aware of yet that still need to be sorted through in my heart/head.

Stay tuned :) Hopefully I'll have time to sit and think a bit more in the coming days.