[Upon further reflection]

Why do I love epic music so much? I really like How to Train Your Dragon and the Narnia soundtracks. As I was spending time in Psalms this morning, I kind of had an epiphany.

FROM MY JOURNAL:

I don't know what it is about epic music that I love...the grandness of having overcome something really difficult? It is a celebration in the form of music. It indicates that one has done a good thing or that there is a reason to be hopeful. To anticipate a change from the way things are. To look forward and have perspective. In essence, epic music reinforces and affirms. It speaks my love language. It caters to my propensity toward optimism and hope, something I desperately need to be reminded of. How to Train Your Dragon, Lord of the Rings, Narnia. All of these have epic battles. Life has some nasty things to endure, but epic music is waiting for those who are willing to fight and come out victorious. It's not an easy path to choose but if you stick by what you believe and never give in with the strength God has given you, epic music awaits.

Some things to know about me. I really love anticipation. It's half the fun! I love countdowns and rallying excitement. I also really love to be optimistic. I'm not the kind of person who is just happy-go-lucky and is happy all the time. I'm aware of the difficulties and tragedies of life, but with God's strength, I will always choose to hope and to be hopeful. I know that my God is good, and that despite the things life throws at you, God is infinitely good.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;

You put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.

But for me, it is good to be near God;

I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.

Psalm 73:25-28

I wish...

...my life was epic enough to merit this soundtrack. Shoot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY07_dX3F88&list=PL315976B44DFF3C85&index=3&playnext=1

I really have fallen in love with this movie and this soundtrack.

Okay, that is all.

:)

Jesus > Milk

"I LOVE JESUS MORE THAN MILK!!!"

If Jen Ball's 6-year-old daughter can sacrifice her favorite drink during lent because she's choosing to love Jesus more than milk, shooooot then I can choose to fight to love Jesus more than choosing to despair or to be bitter.

It was made clear to me that my view of God and my view of our relationship has changed. I haven't been able to pray and believe that He hears me in a long time, but I'm fighting to believe that he does. If he wants me to experience intimacy with him, then bring it on Jesus. My heart has been so disappointed and letdown that I've been so turned off from being with Jesus and finding my rest in Him. I'm ready to fight for this, to seek His face, & to look for the ways his tangible love is present in my life. All I need to do is open my eyes and soften my heart.

Easier said than done. I believe, help my unbelief!

There's No Place Like Home

...Except until you might have to move back home after being away for four years. I really don't want to move back. There's nothing really here anymore except my family. The church I grew up at has told me I no longer go there. My "close friends" from home aren't the type that keep in touch or initiate with me. I'd be stuck in suburbia. I think what scares me the most about home is getting comfortable. I learned a lot about living incarnationally. Living amongst the people you love and serve. I've grown a heart for low income families and I dare say that God calls us to love and serve the poor. I don't see how living in suburbia gives me much credibility. I know I'm blessed to have a family that can support me and give me free housing, but what about people who don't have that opportunity? I really don't want to say I've spent 4 years learning about God's heart for social justice and a life that doesn't make sense to most of the world and then get comfortable living in white, affluent suburbia taking care of rich people's babies. I honestly have nothing against rich people or wealth, I promise. It's just not where my heart's at. I guess we'll see what happens. I know God is in everything and every decision, and where ever I end up (even if it's home), he can use all of that and even redeem and heal me in the process.

My Abs Hurt.

Three-legged fox dinner + Boba run with becca & dykstra kids + Looking at the succession of our jumping pictures from FallCon = More laughing in the a span of 5 hours than I've laughed in weeks.

Teehee :)

I Love Campus By the Sea.

I love this place. I love how God's infinitely creative abilities just slaps you in the face. You can't even escape the beauty of that place. I also love when He wakes you up and makes you realize that you want more in life than just getting by everyday. My emotions have been a little haywire these past few weeks & even when the emotions calmed down, I reverted back to my emotional numbness to get through my days. I'm still trying to figure out how to choose into hanging out with Jesus as he pulls me into things and into places I don't really want to go to yet, but I suppose it's a process.

Long story short, I love how Jesus makes everything new. I love that God is creative, that the world is insanely gorgeous right after the rain, that he has given me wonderful friends...there aren't even words to describe how much I appreciate having people in my life that I can be real, vulnerable, silly, crazy, straight up weird with. I love how God calls us to experience Him together because I think it makes life amazing times a million. He knows what's up.