Uhhh....Brain. Tired.

Work makes me tired. I barely have time to think, and usually I'm so tired that thinking tends to become spacing out. My soul is doing alright, but perhaps it's running off of adrenaline and just trying to get used to the new schedule. Hopefully I don't have a meltdown or anything.

Speaking of meltdowns, I love my babies. I don't know how anyone can stand going to work everyday and not love what they do. I'm so tired out by the babies, but I freakin' love them. So many hugs and drooly kisses. Rocking babies to sleep all snuggly cuddly. Hehe.

My plan: Sing to the babies. Have a parent discover my talent. End up on a soundtrack for a Pixar movie. BAM. DONE.

Okay, time to finish up stuff for work & then pass out at 11pm.

PS, is it strange that during my work meeting, I was thinking about how the first catalyst of the school year was going on at the same time?

Here's to change

"I need to learn to genuinely love and welcome change (from the inside, not just in my actions and decisions)." -J

Well said. Pretty much sums up life at the moment. I want to be at a place where my heart and my emotions and thoughts line up with my outward actions. I want to fully trust in God's goodness with my heart as much as I do with my head. I want to begin praying that I will have an attitude shift, but it almost seems like I need to pray against a spirit of unbelief that I could ever be joyful or content in the midst of change. I'm blogging so that there is some form of accountability. Having a pity party in my head is really draining. I want to be as excited for what God is doing in my life as I rightfully should be. God is really good to me. So good I don't feel like I deserve most of what he's done in the last three weeks.

So God, this is me saying I need you to help shift my attitude. And generally just be really really present. Not even doing anything for me or whatever, just be with me. Keep me company and keep me focused on you. Please and thank you.

Holy Moly.

You really have to listen to & watch Bernhoft from Norway. It has a great potential to make your day. I know it has made my day since I first heard it. I can't stop listening to it mmm drool. Soooo much talent it blows my mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjEsAEsYCw4&feature=related

Yep.

It's official. I'm hitting a wall. I'm finally beginning to crack. I miss BCF. I miss people. I miss laughing because of pure ridiculousness. I miss being in a missional community with people I love and care for.

I realize that I'm in a new stage of life and it's inevitable. I realize that God has really great thing ahead of me and that college is not going to be the peak of life, but right now I'm feeling kind of whiny and frustrated and angry and sad. I can't really pretend that I'm not. I hope that this doesn't last long. It probably won't. It's just a little unbearable when it does happen.

A Reminder

I am your beloved. It is the very truth of my existence. With my lips, I declare your goodness. With my heart, I will learn to trust you. This is my prayer: I believe, help my unbelief.

Let your voice be heard above all else. Amen.

This week

Two job interviews with really great child care centers. Two meetings with Cornerstone pastors; one with the young adult pastor and one with the pastor leading the racial diversity/reconciliation committee. Going to small group for the first time.

I've reflected on Haggai this past week and thought about how it's time to start building up the temple at home. He keeps telling me to be strong and to keep working. I press on because to just sit in fear is really not really much of a life. I've been doing a lot of job searching, but this week is a big week in taking steps toward acclimating myself to Cornerstone Church. Oh Jesus. I hope it can actually be an affirming week and not a disappointment.

You know you're a J when...

You know you're a Myers-Briggs J when your brain is fried from the week, and all you really need to do is make a list so that you can sort your thoughts, the weekend plans, the things you need to do that you've already done, and the things that you have yet to do.

I think job hunting is taking a toll on my body. My body is stressed and I'm more aware of trying to calm my spirit and mind. I really hate this process of needing to make a good impression but still be myself. All the while I shouldn't talk myself down, but also not think too much of your abilities. I'm pretty sure my mind has been constantly thinking that I haven't had a decent night of sleep for the past week or two. My body's latest thing is getting really anxious right before I sleep because my body realizes that it doesn't know how to sleep when it comes time to sleep. I've been waking up early for work/interviews. I'm always worried that I will not hear my alarm or oversleep; you can definitely bet I don't sleep well those nights. Seeing as how I'm about to enter the work force and will most likely have to wake up between the hours of 6-7 on a regular basis, I really hope my body learns how to get tired before midnight.