The days when I have sadness that I just can't shake are the worst. My suspicion that God is doing something good in my heart is making it bearable. I could really use a hug right now.

Post College Update

This is my life post college. If you haven't talked to me recently, fear not! This is what I'm up to.

The Objective Overview:

I'm living at home.

I work at the Pixar Child Care Center full time and I mostly work with infants (4 months - approx 14 months). Basically my dream job.

I go to church with my parents which is not the church I grew up at. The congregation is about 5-6,000 strong and I've been going consistently to a small group for young adults since mid-September.

The Subjective Overview:

Home is actually really good. Much better than I ever expected it to be honestly. I love hanging out with Jenna, chatting with my mom during dinner, doing laundry for free, sleeping in my bed, watching movies, cooking, & free coffee. The routine of being home is really comforting.

Work is a mixed bag. LOVE the babies. I'm a floater teacher which means I'm not permanently in one classroom with one set of kids. I actually help teachers take their breaks and give them prep time. I go into their classrooms so that the kids are safe and there's a good ratio of teachers to kids. PROS: Helps the day go by really fast. I like to be helpful. I get to know a lot of kids, parents, and teachers. CONS: It can be disorienting going from working with infants for the majority of the week and then spend a couple of hours with the pre-k class. I have to keep not only one classroom's stuff straight in my head--I get to keep track of 7 classrooms. I don't build deep relationships with the kids or the teachers for that matter. And the worst one of all...I don't get to spend much time with M these days. God, how I miss him. I love that child.

Work is challenging cause of the co-worker dynamic. I work with a bunch of women. There are lot of opinions and gossip running rampant in this place. It can be a really toxic environment. And since God is challenging me to love my co-workers and try to view them the way he does, it's making work a little stressful to say the least. Since the first week I was really convicted to love them, it's been less of a headache but it's still difficult on the days I need to be very very intentional about having decent thoughts about certain people. Pray for me if you can! I would super appreciate that.

Church. Also a mixed bag. It's a place that I feel God calling me to be for the time being. I decided that I would suck it up and start going to a small group and get myself involved. Literally every Thursday I try to talk myself out of it, but every time I've gone. The theme of post college has been choosing to participate in what God is doing. In this case, that means going to small group every week and not making lame excuses why I don't have to go. I want to give God the opportunity to exceed my expectations through his people and through this small group. I have yet to be disappointed by my life group. Good people. I'm surprised and appreciative of their transparency and willingness to share and participate. I'm grateful for people who struggle with similar things that I do and their willingness to initiate prayer together. Grateful for people who care about justice and who offered to lend me his book after meeting me once or twice.

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Now what? I want to serve. I don't want work, being home, and going to church to be all that there is to my life on a regular basis. I know that I need to be intentional with my coworkers, but my heart longs to serve people somewhere in some capacity. I have no idea what that is at the moment. I want to serve with integrity which to me translates to serving with a genuine passion and desire to further make the Kingdom of God a reality in the present. I don't want to serve just to serve or serve with intentions to somehow benefit myself rather than those I'm serving. (For example: the majority of my small group does the jr. high group. I've been told by one person that if I wanted to get to know people in my small group better, I could serve in jr. high with them. Eh.) I miss singing.

Yep. And that brings you up to speed with my life. It's nothing glamorous and pretty mundane. Just routine and choosing to seek Jesus and see Jesus in my routine with joy.

En todo lugar, en todo tiempo tengo un motivo al cantar. Es mi deseo adorarte.