A new twist on an old story.

You know when you get in one of those terrible moods & you either:

A) Can't pin point exactly why you're upset or

B) Know why and don't want to admit it to yourself?

My answer would be B today. It's terrible when you realize that the emotional exhaustion is inevitable and you realize you have to ride it out. It sucks when you want opposite things pretty much equally. For example, you can't decide if you'd rather go to Hawaii or Alaska because you have an equal desire to go to both places. Inevitably you have to choose one. Oh, and you also know that one of the options naturally makes more sense, yet the other option is good, yet it would be much more difficult and confusing to get to. Yes. It's one of these wonderful situations. Today was a particularly difficult day & I told Jesus I really needed something from him today because I was becoming apathetic. Going to small group tonight was a good decision.

We study the Prodigal Son story--Luke 15:11-24 specifically. I've known this story since childhood, I've heard people preach out of this passage, but I'm glad that Jesus had something very special for me to discover tonight.

Then Jesus said, "There was a man who had two sons. The younger of them said to his father, "Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me." So he divided his property between them. A few days later the younger song gathered all he had and traveled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said, "How many of my father's hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands." So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. Then the son said to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son." But the father said to his slaves, "Quickly, bring out a robe--the best one--and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!" And they began to celebrate.

There's so much to glean from this passage, but these are some of the implications that are striking me:

• The father not only complies with his son's outrageously offensive request, he also lets his son go and live promiscuously. He doesn't demand or ask that he stays.

• The father remained vigilant and saw his son returning from a distance. He then went against all cultural norms to run and embrace and accept his son. He displays a level of affection that is abnormally high for cultural norms, much less for a father that was basically spat upon by the very son he was embracing and receiving.

• The father didn't let the son finish his whole planned speech, which seems to me like the son's explanation had nothing to do with the father's acceptance. It seems like the son's motives for coming back has no effect on the father's intensity of affection. Did the son actually felt guilty for taking money from his father (which he shouldn't have received until his father died)? Did he feel guilty for his promiscuous life and living recklessly? Or did he actually wish to continue that life, but had no money for food to upkeep that lifestyle? Was the return home out of a true desire to reconcile or was it selfishly motivated? It seems like all the father is concerned with is that his son is coming home.

• The father doesn't demand any promises or plans of how the son is going to turn his life around and make changes in his life. His son makes no promise that he won't up and leave the next day. How does the father know that the son won't take the robe, the ring, and a couple of cows to pawn them for more money? The father is incredibly willing to forgive, and not only forgive but has immense compassion toward his son. Dictionary.com says that the definition of compassion is "a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering." I don't know about you, but I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around that. I don't even know if forgiveness on such a level is humanly possible. I mean, the son sinned so terribly against his father, in such a way that he really didn't even deserve forgiveness, let alone compassion, and yet the father embraces him, even extravagantly welcomes him and celebrates his return. That's beautiful&amazing.

Following the father's model of forgiveness seems like an impossible feat. But, I'm learning. It's messing with my head and my heart lately, but I can only suppose that it's a good thing & that I get to see another part of God's heart as I learn how to forgive and heal.

(Dear friend, I'm trying to learn how to forgive you. I'm trying to learn from the father. He graciously and affectionately takes you back no matter what you did. You don't even need perfect motives for coming back to God--chances are they aren't perfect, but we're human. Nothing is stopping you from leaving again; you have the freedom to choose. I just hope that I will learn how to forgive, knowing full well your decisions and your sin could hurt me again. Thank you for coming back to the father's house. Please stay there. Love Amanda.)