CTI Update #2!

*WARNING* This is a long post. If you want, you can only read the bolded/italicized stuff and prayer requests are at the end.

I leave for Guatemala tomorrow morning! It’s surreal to know that I’m leaving for Guatemala even though I know I’ve been in Minnesota training for this very reason. Since I was last able to update you guys, a lot of things have changed. One being team dynamics. After the first half week, our team began sharing our stories with each other and it quickly shattered my initial misconception that some of my teammates were immature and shallow because of a lack of difficult life experience. Though they were initially really loud and obnoxious, we quickly learned that their actions were out of brokenness and fear as opposed to immaturity. God really schooled me. I was trying SO hard not to be quick to judge, but it was hard. I’m thankful that God has allowed me to shift my frame of mind and thankful that my teammates have grown to be more comfortable to be themselves.

Something that CTI has been pressing me in is the concept of performance. While being on woteam, I was able to engage at a level that was conducive for my own personal worship. I could sway, clap, and dance to whatever level was appropriate and however much the spirit led me to do so. At CTI, since we are an American band coming into a foreign country and we’re expected to have a LOT of energy. They always keep saying that we need to give enough energy to feel a little bit ridiculous…and then give even more energy on top of that. This aspect of CTI Music Ministries has been the most difficult one to deal with because it doesn’t feel completely genuine to me. It is one thing to lead worship where the focus is on engaging with God but it’s a completely different thing to be concerned with how we visually look as a band and work on crafting that as much as crafting the musical aspect of being a band. I can’t say I like it yet, but I’m not opposed to trying it out. I don’t know what God might want to show me through this and how it rubs me the wrong way…

I’ll be in Guatemala City for 25 days, staying at the Youth For Christ center. The center operates as their offices, church, and the place where we will be staying. As far as I’m aware, I think most of our concerts will be within Guatemala City but they won’t be exclusive to the city. We won’t really know what we’ll be doing for sure until we meet with our YFC partners and see what their needs are. For all we know, we could only do 3 concerts in our 4 weeks there and be doing manual labor around the compound.

I’m so excited to go. It’s going to be beautiful. I hear that the weather is actually nicer than it is here in Willmar. Less heat and possibly less humidity! I know that I’m here for a reason, and that God wants to show me something about himself and myself through CTI, but I’m not exactly sure what that is yet. So far, it seems like I’m learning how to serve and love my teammates, team leaders (and eventually people in Guatemala) out of exhaustion. Normally when I’m tired, I shut down. I don’t want my ability to love and serve people be directly related to how tired I am. So we’ll see.

PRAYER REQUESTS!

1. Health—pray that we stay healthy as we travel and while we’re in Guatemala. Or pray that if we get sick, that we’ll be able to still serve, be mentally present, and be aware of God is doing in us and through us
2. Attitude—pray that our team maintains a good attitude, that we remember we’re going to serve God and serve our partners. Pray that we remember that our physical comfort doesn’t take precedence over serving.
3. PLEASE pray that I’m able to engage with God while I’m in Guatemala. Like I said earlier, I still just don’t know what I’m doing here. I think it’s hard for me to fully invest here because I’m still getting over the fact that I graduated from college and I won’t have my community to enter back into after this experience. I do think I’m here for a reason and that God knows why I’m here, but I have a feeling it won’t come about in a way that would make sense to me. I feel like I’m constantly flustered because I’m trying to figure out the rest of my life (and by that I mean the next year or two). I want to be aware of what God is doing. I would like CTI to not be a waste of time. (I know it won’t be, but I just really don’t want it to be…if that makes sense).

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for praying. I really need it a lot. I look forward to catching up in person with you all when I come back!