Have you ever been afraid to pray boldly and specifically for something your heart is deeply invested in? I'm always so tempted to add, "Oh, y'know if it's in your will," because it feels like I'm to some degree twisting God's arm a little less. I also have believed that praying specifically for that which my heart really longs for is somehow making an idol out of it (something, of course which I do not want to do).
God was inviting me to pray and ask boldly tonight. I started praying kind of vaguely and I believe he interrupted me to tell me to be bolder. Sorry, my bad.
It has been a long time since I have ever thought about engaging my heart in this way. There have been times where it may have seemed like my heart was invested, but I know that tonight as I prayed, my heart hurt--swelling with hope and expectation and paralyzing fear.
Jesus has invited me out of the boat tonight. I was kind of asking for it, and it just so happens that tonight, I listened to him tell me walk out to him. And now I'm on the water. And now I will sink if I even in the least bit take my eyes off of him. He is my hope and my anchor even when this terrifies the breath right out of me.
And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Those verses always seemed quite selfish to me, but I want to start believing that the God who loves me, who created me and fashioned me not because of obligation but out of love, would actually want to give me good things. He knows my heart and my passions. Well J, I guess this is me saying: you have my attention. You give me freedom and choice to do whatever the heck I want. Well, I choose you. I choose for my heart and my passions to align with yours.
So bring it on, J. Bring it on.
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