I have a love and hate relationship with realizations. On one hand, I love them because my heart finds peace when things make sense. I love realizing my patterns and the route I need to take to reach the place I wish to get to. Yes, I know that life is not formulaic, but nevertheless--patterns exist. I've retraced my steps in my mind trying to figure out how I got from point A to point B in similar situations & a-ha! I have finally found the commonality between specific past experiences that which led me out of one place and into another. Each time, I know that there was nothing in my power that I could've done to make the journey a quicker one, an easier one. There was a sort of...supernatural "click" so to speak. Something within me just completely changed, all in an instant. Every fiber of my being was quickly being teleported to point B. Every part of me was finally all on the same page.
The less than wonderful side of my realization is that I can no longer escape the fact that this process is going to take time. It is going to require patience. Patience has never been one of my strong points, mind you. Also, I am realizing that getting from point A to point B may require me to take an even more active role in the process than I wanted. In fact, I had previously told God I would never do what I may or may not have to do. Unfortunately, I might have to. But if I want to get to point B without losing too much of my life, it might come down to it.
Okay Jesus. Open my eyes. Let's do this.
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