Letting Go.

So, I haven't really been incredibly transparent with the issues that I deal with or think about, but I think I've reached a point where I'm so confused and frustrated that I need to somehow externally word vomit this somewhere. But honestly, sometimes I wonder how God ever expected men and women to not only work together and be friends, but actually understand each other, encouraged and affirm one another, and care for each other. It kind of seems like a sick joke the way that we are so different and wired differently. It's like we speak completely different languages sometimes: women can be portrayed as too needy, sensitive, manipulative and men can be portrayed as indifferent, passive, immature. God has given me the ability to be aware of how interactions with people & the desire to understand people as best I can to know how to best care for them, and I am grateful for that. With that also comes the ability to see how relationships are broken. I've initiated conversations that bring up these issues that could possibly lead to healing, but honestly...I'm tired. I've been let down and hurt by people so much to the point where I'm shutting down. I really want to just give up cause I really just can't do this right now. I feel like I continually step out of the boat to walk on the water towards Jesus but I keep sinking. I try and try and try to trust Him when he says I can trust people, but I don't know. I'm so tired. Exhausted really.

I'm not completely broken. I have hope in knowing that this is not what God has for his people. I know that we are meant to bless each other and in friendship, remind each other of our belovedness. I know that as men and women we are made in the image of God and that as we push through the difficulty of understanding each other, we can see perhaps a different characteristic of God that we are less familiar with. I just want to trust fall into his arms because I can't really support myself up anymore.