Wow. Well that was unexpected.

I'm incredibly emotionally instable right now, but I thank God for holding me together. It's been a rough night, but in the best way possible because God simultaneously made me aware of how deeply broken my ethnic identity is and also affirmed the fact that it is NOT okay that I have been hurt. I'm definitely still processing this, but if you read my blog and you would like to know what God is doing in my life, I would be very appreciative if you asked me. But a little disclaimer: you can only ask me if you 1. really want to; 2. really care; and 3. are willing to enter into a part of my healing. I'm not interested in sharing this with people who won't be able to share in the joy of what God is beginning in my life. I wouldn't be able to emotionally handle that. Not to scare you into not asking me, but...this is a big deal to me, just FYI.

But for now, I just want to say that I'm thankful that my apartment is quiet, that I'm able to sit and process everything that catalyst brought up. I'm thankful for Joey for always making me smile. I'm thankful for Lionel for noticing and even in our very brief interaction, communicated that he cares, that he noticed, and that he wants to know what God is doing in my life. I'm thankful for Becca for always being there. I'm thankful for my worship team for being people I trust, and who will just sit with me as I silently fall apart on the inside. I'm thankful for Scott for listening and being a good friend. I'm thankful for seeing on my facebook that Guz is going to visit UCLA; literally seeing her wall post nearly made my heart explode with happiness. Needless to say, I am excited. And last but certainly not least, I'm thankful that Mike sent us his song so that we could learn it and play with him. I'm thankful that I have it and that I can listen to it on repeat as I sit here and engage with Jesus.

But anyways. I had no idea that I needed this much healing, nor that it was even possible. I can only imagine what else God has in store...